ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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