Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Floor bacon is actually really good
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
