I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Randomize
