ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
