wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
