I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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