They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
