Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
