Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
