Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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