the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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