I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
