Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
