im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
