forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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