I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
