she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
