in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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