He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
