ya dads aren't the best wingmen
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
