last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
