We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Even my vagina gasped.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I forget how to act sober
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