Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
