I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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