I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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