so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
