sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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