Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
