I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
