Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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