you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
