I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
