"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
