Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
