I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize