My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
