I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Holy shit dude........stairs
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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