You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
