my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
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