I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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