I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
