i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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