I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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