god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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