Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
