what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
