Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
