I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
As shirtless as possible
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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