you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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