how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize