Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
