I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
