this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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