Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
