We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
