Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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