If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
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