he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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