everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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