The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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