i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
