Barsexuality is the new black.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
