hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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