"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
