Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
