Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
