she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
