Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
