I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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