even my farts smell like vagina
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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