Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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